Slow Down

一个月的紧张学习,让我着实晓得masterbachelor 巨大区别,

加之second language, 更是觉得负担沉重。

每天忙碌,上课学习,累到没有任何轻松的心情。

大脑在极度紧张中无法停息,心脏也难以承受巨大的压力。

没有时间做饭,没有时间打扫,没有时间整理,

没有时间思考,没有时间休息,

没有时间,我的时间呢?

忙碌,疯狂的忙碌让我迷失;

紧张,焦灼的紧张让我麻木。

 

Further education 何尝轻松?

一座座学术大山压顶,那些晦涩难懂的字母,

在我的眼前,在我的头脑中,侵蚀着我赖以生存的细胞。

 

心脏首先向我告急!

她无力承受,她异常紧张,

绷紧在钢索上,我要坠落。

坐在教室里,应接不暇,

我痛苦的心脏纠结着我,令我无法呼吸。

停止,停止这样的重压。

 

双目,一道道清晰微弱的血丝在我双眼中弥漫,

清晰在哪里,我问。

离开这些遍满我眼前的字母,

它们如同蠕虫大局进军我的领地。

 

笑容,她走失了很久。

我想把她找回,她离开太久,

我很想念她,

她可爱的跳动,她天真的舞蹈,

我怀念。

 

我对快速,对节奏,对刺激有着疯狂的眷恋。

我厌恶无所事事,我憎恶无所作为。

我爱速度,我爱奔跑,甚至飞翔。

我迷恋追逐风的快感。

快些,再快些,别停下。

 

我闭着双眼往前飞,

我在黑暗中迷茫,

我的出路在哪里。

慢些,再慢些,停下,想想。

 

一睁眼,在几场雨冷雨后,

这片土地被涂上了鲜美的红,

那不是姑娘双颊的红晕,

那不是天边夕阳的衣裙,

那红激动,激动在冷风当中,

时间挥洒在色彩中。

 

Slow down, take a heed.

Slow down, take a rest.

Slow down, take time to reflect.

This is what I need on my way to the dream.

 

 

抓住夏天的尾巴

阳光轻柔地洒在窗外的玉米田野上,

我舒展在摇椅中,

一间装潢考究的书房,

沉静与安息作为脚注,

生活在别处,我想。

 

Agassiz, 这座安静的小镇,

在一年一度的fair中苏醒。

多元在两天中撞击,

耶稣,岂不因为你的爱?

夜色中,信心的动人旋律溢满在空气中,

篝火边,爱心的彼此交流沉醉在温暖里。

 

你从哪里来?

不论远方,

你是谁?

不论你是谁。

我爱你,这是心底的呼喊。

在他的生命中,我们彼此相爱。

  

Heartache

失重,漂浮,拥挤,下坠。

那双看不见的手,

在我跳动微弱的心脏上,

用力抓住。

我呼喊,我挣脱。

死亡的印记深深刻在心上。

他不会这样轻易放过我,

绝望的声音穿透我。

周围没有氧气,

没有亮光,

那股力量将我向下拉,

我没有力气,我没有勇气,

他要我的心,

我的生命。

那痛苦如同注入我血液中,

我如何挣脱,我如何释放?

 

Heavenly Father, save me, save your daughter.

I am in the grave no breathing.

Every inch of my body and soul aches.

Please release me! Take this pain from me.

O My Lord, deliver me from my enemy! 

30 Days

 

30 Days Muslim Prayer Focus

Sep 13- Oct 12, 2007

 

As Christians, we often think that the Gospel is about our personal needs, wants and desires. While God is concerned about these things, His Gospel is actually much more profound. He is rescuing and recreating our world. God is calling all people to participate in His new Kingdom.

 

God is creative, and has made us in His image, so we can expect creative ideas as we seek Him!

 

It is as though a person in the dim light of dawn should look at a distant building. He sees the building, he perceives there is only one building, but he is unable to tell whether it is a residence or a factory. He is sure it only has one story, and is built of brick. But when he comes nearer, and views the building in the clear light of day, he realizes that it is built of stone, not fo brick, and instead of having only one story it has three. He now knows the building as it really is. When a Muslim looks toward God in the imperfect light of Qur’anic revelation and his own reason, he sees God’s power and will, but does not see God’s love. He sees God’s unity, but he does not see that he is Trinity in unity. Such true knowledge of God is possible only when one sees God in his Son Jesus Christ.

There are the websites: www.30daysprayer.comhttp://www.30-days.net/

Hopefuly, every believers could participate in this prayer focus. We pray, He hears.

 

上周末,Carole给了我一本祷告手册,为穆斯林祷告。感谢主!他已经在我心中放下如此负担,因我已经见证不透过耶稣看神,在迷茫中的生命没有盼望。30天的祷告,为着世界不同地方的穆斯林祷告,为着他们能够真正认识神,为着他们有机会领受神的爱与恩典。

 

“作为基督徒,我们总会认为福音只是与我们自己的需要、愿望有关。然而上帝他不仅关心这些,他的福音意味着更多。他拯救世界,重塑世界。上帝正在呼召人类进入他的新天新地。

 

如同一个人,在破晓之时,从远处看到一幢建筑,模糊不清。他看到建筑,并且知道那里只此一幢,但是,他并不能确定是公寓楼还是工厂房。他确信是幢一层的砖造建筑。然而,但他靠近再仔细看时,他发现他错了,这是栋三层石造结构的建筑。他现在才真正知道这是什么。当一个穆斯林透过不完全的古兰经中看神,透过他自己的动机看神,他看到了神的力量和心愿,但是却看不到神的爱;他看到了神的完全,却看不到神在完全中的三位一体。这些关于上帝的真理惟有透过他的独子耶稣基督才可知晓。”

 

更多细节,这里有网址,www.30daysprayer.comhttp://www.30-days.net/

 

 希望每个神的子民都参与其中,我们祷告,他便垂听。

9.9,2007

 

September 9, 2007, I finally got baptized.

 

Since I became a believer, the way of faith was not smooth, full of ups and downs. I thought about getting baptized since I stood firm in the Lord. However, I kind of lost the opportunity to get baptized in my church back in China. I was so moved at that time witnessing my brothers and sisters getting baptized as to make full commitment to Jesus that I can’t help shedding tears.

 

I have been praying for asking when I could get baptized. Eventually, I got God’s answer here in Vancouver in Every Nation in September 2007.

 

What a nice a day! The Kits Beach was full of people who were enjoying sunshine. I felt nervous to get baptized in front of whole bunch of people. We read our testimony before God and those witnesses. I read:

“There is baptism once a year at a river in my church back in China. Yet I missed the chance to be baptized. Thank God for bringing me here Every Nation to get baptized with the witness of you guys.

Recalling the past, though my life of over twenty years was full of ups and downs, I could live life for today.

I never feel like living meaningless, trying hard to live a meaningful life. Therefore, I made great efforts as well as sought after the essence. However, reality poked ideal flintily.

The misfortune in family brought me to the desperately seeking intimate relationships outward. Getting hurts, instead of getting better, I had been changing to the certain kind of person I dislike that is selfish and apathetic. I lost the capacity of love.

Meanwhile, I confused about what I was reading and learning. It seemed there was no utter truth as different voices popped out from different corners. Well then, what significance did we get while studying?

I sought to faith. Jesus made me known him through his own words the Holy Bible as well as a great many faith-filled brothers and sisters. I supposed there must be a creator beyond humans limitation yet never thought about what Jesus matters to me. In 2005-2006, God bestowed the Holy Spirit enlightening my soul to be conscious of the love, grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. 

No doubt, when I fell down to the darkness, when I was in hopeless desperation, when I lost love, Jesus, his shed blood on the cross made me know what is the true love which never departs, totally accepts, no price requests and the steadfast love forever and ever.

He knows everything even deep in my heart. He wiped the tears from my face. He comforted me while I was in trouble. He encouraged me to be strong. He picked me when I fell. He led me out of the darkness to the light.

When I stumbled in sins, he said to me: “The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. ” (MATTHEW26:41) “You are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” (JOHN 5:14)

When I was worried about my future, he said to me: “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (JOHN14:27)

When I feared to come into his presence, he said to me: “In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.”(EPHESIANS3:12)

Thank God! Thank Jesus Christ!

I am no longer vulnerable and lonely because I know and believe in my Lord Jesus. He is the way and the truth and the life! He has granted me brand new life; he has kindled the way before me; he has been leading me walking in the path of truth.

God loves me and created me to know him personally. He has a wonderful plan for my life which I am living with faith and gratitude.”

 

I made vow to God and his Son Jesus Christ that he is my savior and the Lord. I died to myself and to the eternal life.

 

200799日,向世界宣告在耶稣里重生的日子!

自从信主之后,我一直犹豫是否要受洗,而当今年年初,我定意时,恒切祷告求问后,神没有让我在家乡受洗,他带我来到温哥华,来到Every Nation, 来到他所创造的深邃大海,在众人面前,在日光之下,向世界宣告,脱离黑暗,生于耶稣基督。

记得今年初,和西安教会的弟兄姐妹到山里,找到一处幽静清新之地,在那里我们高声歌唱赞美神,目睹我亲爱的弟兄姐妹庄严地在清水之源宣告属于耶稣,从水中重生,彼时彼刻,我感动的泪水止不住流下,我见证了他们在耶稣里愿意全然的委身,如同宣誓从此嫁给耶稣并至此不渝。那时,我多么盼望自己能够向众人宣告,我全然属于耶稣。

99日,阳光明媚,海滩上人潮攒动,在这么多人面前,我有些紧张。我们依次宣读自己的得救见证,我读到:

出死入生

努力回忆曾经走过的岁月,起伏跌宕竟也安然走到今天。

我不愿毫无意义的过活,一定要让自己的生命有意义。为此,我努力,我探索。对人类、对国家、对社会莫名强烈的责任感使我立志投身教育。我想唯有教育可以从本质塑造一个人。

当我进入师范大学,当我卸下了一切沉重的升学负担后,我多么憧憬自己徜徉在自由求索的博大精华中。我成长的心智与情感也开始蠢蠢欲动。可是,现实坚硬地刺痛到理想。倔强的我相信朝着梦想前进没有错,不论周遭的同侪与环境如何。但事与愿违。

家庭多年的变故让看似坚强的我在外寻找从家中无法得到的亲密关系。一次次在感情上、人际关系上受到的伤害,一次次在理想被现实击碎的沮丧之中,让我一点点的变化,以为自己终于长大。然而,有一天,我却发现自己变成从小讨厌的那种人——自私,麻木,冷漠。我这是怎么了?我在自己的周围竖起一道道铜墙铁壁,我拒绝来自外界的一切给予,因为我极度恐惧。同时,我的内心也变的冰冷、刚硬,我害怕甚至不能付出。我没了爱的能力!

对于生活,对于梦想,我如同一个气球,充足气时,直飞上天,激情万丈,似乎什么都阻挡不了我,可气球会一天天漏气,我下坠,我挣扎着,我呼叫着,没有帮助,我继续坠落。

对于学业,我越来越困惑。喜欢读书,寻求知识,寻求真理。人类的智慧在这象牙塔中令我如痴如醉,可是,我越是读书越是找不到真理。因为,不同的时代有不同的时代精神,没有什么是唯一标准,更不用说千千万万的人你一言我一语,更让我迷惑。难道正如后现代所言没有绝对的真理吗?那我如今的学习、无数莘莘学子的研究还有何意义?

一直觉得人心中的那个空洞需要信仰填补。也是偶然的机会,因为想通过英文圣经学习英语,从一位朋友那里得来一本英文圣经。起初,只是简单的学习语言,也会接触到一点点信仰。

初信时,总是觉得这位神很遥远,里面有很多声音,却不知道哪个是神的旨意。因为刚刚得救,在基督里还算小孩子,所以总定睛在律法上,害怕神是位严厉的法官。一个假期,远离神,远离与弟兄姐妹相交的生活,加之我仍然活在罪中,更使我不得认识神。

我是个任性的孩子,规矩的束缚会令我更加叛逆。信仰似乎给我的只有束缚。我在研读各类书籍中也未令我更加认识这位神。弟兄姐妹依然对我关怀备至,可我疏远的心仍旧想放弃。因为神是那么遥远,“信”成了对我的压力。我依旧在自己的世界中横冲直撞。

一位姐妹对我说,只让我感受神的爱与恩典。

我愿意等候、谦卑,看看这位缥缈的神是如何爱我的。终于耐下心来翻开圣经,祷告,对神讲出我内心种种疑惑。当我愿意如此行、如此与他亲近时,我真的听到他对我讲话,他解答我内心的疑问。圣经上的一句话,一段经文,抑或弟兄姐妹的言谈,似乎那蒙昧已久的心渐渐被打开。

神依然爱我,因为没有什么可以隔绝神对我的爱。偶然在图书馆看到一本《人之子——耶稣》,沉浸在优美文字中的同时,更让我看到一个真实的、有血有肉、有爱有憎的耶稣。甚是令我感动的是,我现在在信仰之路上的经历,耶稣也同样经历过,他有过疑问,有过求索,有过挣扎,有过安静,有过被试探(但却没有犯罪)。我们的主竟与我们有着类似的经历,然而他最终成就了父的旨意。我被强烈的震撼,那位遥远的神竟是如此真实、如此之近,神借着各样的事,解决了我心中种种疑惑。让我知道他了解我,更甚于我自己。

是的,当我遍体鳞伤,当我濒临绝望,当我没了爱时,耶稣他在十字架上为我流的宝血让我知道何为真正的爱——那不离不弃、那完全接纳、那不求代价、那从亘古到永恒的爱。我冰冷的心慢慢被主爱融化。

我渐渐的能够敞开心灵,和他人开始建立稳固良好的关系。在知识的汪洋中也不再迷茫,因为“敬畏耶和华是知识的开端。” (箴言17

他知道一切,并定意一切。神透过弟兄姐妹对我的帮助与关爱让我知道我无时无刻不需要神。唯有他才能真正安慰我,擦干我的眼泪,让我饥渴的灵魂得到甘甜。

当我软弱跌倒时,他对我说:“你的心灵固然愿意,但肉体却软弱了。”

当我在罪中打转时,他对我说:“我不定你的罪,去吧!从此不要再犯罪了。”(约811

当我为前途忧愁时,他对我说“你们心里不要忧愁,也不要胆怯。”(约1427下)

当我惧怕神的威严、不敢见他面时,他对我说:“我们因信耶稣,就在他里面放胆无惧,笃信不疑地来到神面前。”(弗312

感谢上帝!感谢十字架上的耶稣基督!

我曾经堕落在黑暗中,企图用逃避与遗忘来解决混乱、痛苦、迷茫。但短暂的麻醉只会令我那倍受伤害的身体与心灵更加脆弱,变本加厉地流血、破碎、痛苦。

是耶稣将我带到他真理的光中,他真实地、无条件地爱我、接纳我,他让我知道我在基督里的身份无人可以改变,他让我知道我不用讨好人去赚得爱,因为我是神的孩子,他永远爱我,不论我在哪里,不论我做什么,只因为我是我。

当神帮助我抬起头,睁开双眼看那伤口,看那心中隐藏多年深深的情绪时,他帮助我学会饶恕,学会爱,真正地释放我,使我得自由。今日我不再迷茫、孤单,因为我认识了耶稣,我相信他。他是真理、道路、生命!他给我新的生命,他照亮我前方的道路,他带领我行在真理中。

神爱我,并且为我的生命有一奇妙的计划。我笃信不疑,因为我正经历着这一切——神的爱、恩典与真理,以及他对我生命的丰盛计划。

走向海中,宣告耶稣乃是我的救主和生命的主,我从水里出死入生。海水是否冰凉全然没有察觉,因为整个过程很快,很快。

Thangksgiving!

 

诗篇116

为出死入生而赞美神

我爱耶和华,因为他听了我的声音和我的恳求。

他既向我侧耳,我一生要求告他。

死亡的绳索缠绕我,阴间的痛苦抓住我。我遭遇患难愁苦。

那时,我便求告耶和华的名,说:“耶和华啊,求你救我的灵魂!”

耶和华有恩惠,有公义,我们的神以怜悯为怀。

耶和华保护愚人,我落到卑微的地步,他救了我。

我的心哪,你要仍归安乐,因为耶和华用厚恩待你。

主啊,你救我的命免了死亡,救我的眼免了流泪,救我的脚免了跌倒;

我要在耶和华面前行活人之路。

我因信,所以如此说话:“我受了极大的困苦。”

我曾急促地说:“人都是说谎的!”

我拿什么报答耶和华向我所赐的一切厚恩?

我要举起救恩的杯,称扬耶和华的名。

我要在他众民面前向耶和华还我的愿。

在耶和华眼中,看圣民之死极为宝贵。

耶和华啊,我真是你的仆人;我是你的仆人,是你婢女的儿子。你已经解开我的绑索。

我要以感谢为祭献给你,又要求告耶和华的名。

我要在他众民面前,在耶和华殿的院内,在耶鲁撒冷当中,向耶和华还我的愿。

你们要赞美耶和华!

 

 

 

PSALMS 116

Thanksgiving for Recovery from Illness

I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my supplications.

Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.

The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish.

Then I called on the name of the Lord: “O Lord, I pray, save my life!”

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful.

The Lord protects the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me.

Return, O my soul, to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.

I walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I kept my faith, even when I said, “I am greatly afflicted”;

I said in my consternation, “Everyone is a liar.”

What shall I return to the Lord for all his bounty to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lore,

I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful ones.

O Lord, I am your servant; I am your servant, the child of your serving girl. You have loosed my bonds.

I will offer to you a thanksgiving sacrifice and call on the name of the Lord.

I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of house of the Lord, in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord!

I got baptized! Sep 9, 2007

I got baptized!

Finally, being baptized in Every Nation, I officially become a disciple in Jesus. I was baptized at the Kits Beach.

 

终于受洗了!上帝让我在温哥华的Every Nation 向世界宣告我属他,他是我的救主和生命的主。