终于放晴

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心情终于放晴,和这多变的天气一样。在清晨的阳光里从懒散中爬起,很久没有早起了,的确神清气爽。

见到Catherine更是开心,不知为什么,只是单单地看着她就开心的想笑。我们早晨参加了一个教会的礼拜,和我们的气氛很不一样,很多爷爷、奶奶,氛围也是慈祥的,在庄重和收敛中结束了礼拜。午饭,辗转周折,终于坐定,泰国菜,还成,有些辣,不过是我可以承受的。喜欢和Catherine聊天,虽然有时很担心她,但她总在我的祷告中,在众人的祷告中,我相信上帝会托住她。目睹与聆听着她如何深刻的经历上帝。那一颦一笑,那双眼睛,那情感和理智,我明明看到耶稣在她的生命中,如此真实地流淌,那生命充满着丰盛的意义,那情感流露着怜悯的爱。我听到,上帝更是透过她对我讲话,她是如此激励我。就是喜欢听她缓缓到来她对生命的参透。

下午,买了生活所需的柴米油盐,装了整整一后备箱,这下,大半年不用愁吃饭问题了。关了太久,小冲动一把,花了钱,觉得真是舒服。

上周没有去教会,加到大家,都在问跑哪儿去了。像是远行回到家中,家人问候,突然觉得不必让自己那么累,家嘛,就是放松的地方。上帝知道。他的同在在我们的歌声中被高举。He is way enough. I just need to give what I have got. Jesus is enough! Receiving and giving, that is it. I don’t necessary be a people pleaser; I don’t necessary flee from people; I don’t necessary try to weigh selfishness or love.

The greater things yet to come, and greater things are to be done in this city.

I believe, Father. There is no one like our God.

在外面晒了一天,整个人都不一样了!对啊,这才是我啊,一个爱生命、爱大自然、爱笑、大条、不拘小节、臭美、健谈却又可以安静、爱疯、爱玩的我啊!

thoroughly confused

This week readings are about cultural captial and literacy. Two articles pulled me into a confusing realm. Hard to understand…

Digital Literacy

Digital literacy

It is very interesting to read and discuss in the class that how technology influence our literacy journey and life.

Tracing back, while I first learn English in junior high school, our foreign teacher encouraged us to chat with non Chinese on ICQ to practice communication in English. I did. It was indeed much fun. I remember I chat with a Spanish once and Turkish once. I felt like getting more confidence through internet using English. With much confidence, I was obsessed with chatroom. It needed high speed typing and fast feedback. People were all commended my English. Well, it made me feel so good. Then the picture comes to university. I fell in love with blog. There is a space that I could jog down my feelings, opinions, and any thoughts. I loved to write something that nobody will understand. It does make sense. But you never are able to get into the bottom of my heart. I loved write prose and poems on my blog. Not just keeping daily journal which makes me bored. Digital literacy is very unique for it creates lots of new discourse and words. After I came to Canada, I have kept the habit to keep logging on the internet regularly. My parents and friends in China get to know my life through my blog. Especially my parents, they are my loyal fans. The words I put down give them the picture that their daughter’s life in a foreign land. Even I express my love to them; we Chinese barely show our affection to loved ones. But I could write them to my parents. I love them. I miss them.

This is also a place I practice English. I love writing though having nothing with academic writing. It is such a precious time that I could sit quietly for an hour to jog down my organized thoughts, well, sometimes it does is a bit messy. 

你好吗?我很好!

        现在很好,乖乖的呆在家里学习,一周做三次饭,有时周末会在外面吃。天气转凉,夏天一晃就过去了,很久没有跟家人讲电话了,我很好,妈妈放心,就是突然压力来了,小孤僻一阵子。安静一段时间,整理整理生活,又重新回到正常的轨道上。论文渐渐有了眉目,心情也平静下来,我知道我不能怕,怕也没用,相信,然后行动是最好的对策。很久没有听到爸爸的声音,信号好像总不好,总是转入秘书台。其实我很想你们,只是不想把自己糟糕的情绪传染给更多人。
        你们知道,我不是一人,上帝的慈爱是我逃也逃不过的。他的应许:“愿耶和华照你所行的赏赐你。你来投靠耶和华以色列神的翅膀下,愿你满得他的赏赐。”
        你们知道,我不是一人,上帝将无数的关爱放在我的生命当中。Carole, 从未间断的爱我,鼓励我;Tara, 总是让我欢笑,我们的友谊更是在耶稣里愈加深厚;还有Catherine,
Gerry, Kathleen, Lola, Andy, Emily, 很多很多朋友。所以,请你们放心,我很好, 

Literacy artefacts–tatoo

We are required to bring some literacy artefacts the second class. i brought pics of celebrity tatoo. i love tatoo. once i almost had my own when i just finished high school. i love being cool and trendy. besides, tatoo is rich with stories. it may tell you who this person is. it may tell you what he or she loves or longing for or fighting for or even identiy. it may tell you the relationship he or she has been. it just lure me to dream and have one. and it is irremovable which makes it endure for good. though you can remove it with extremely pain. i wish one day i have the gut to get my own tatoo.

here are Angelina’s and David’s tatoo. love it! 😉

Cited from http://www.freetattoodesigns.org/angelina-jolie-tattoos.html

Angelina Jolie is a famous actress with a serious love for tattoos, she’s regularly featured in celebrity news magazines and websites with one of her new tattoo designs. She has at least a dozen tattoos over her body and she also has quiet a lot experience with tattoo removal (see the end of this article for the tattoos that she had removed).

When shooting a film, her tattoos are covered with makeup. Each one of her tattoos have a special meaning.

Here’s an overview with pictures of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos:

This Gothic letter tattoo between her shoulder blades says “Know Your Rights”. It’s the title of a song of her favorite band.

This tattoo on her left shoulder blade was, just like the tiger tattoo, done by tattoo artist Noo (aka Sompong) Kanhphaiin in a hotel in Pathum Thani, 16 miles north of Bangkok. It is a Buddhist Pali incantation written in Khmer script, the language of Cambodia. It is there to protect her and her adopted Cambodian son Maddox from bad luck.

Here’s the translation:

May your enemies run far away from you.
If you acquire riches, may they remain yours always.
Your beauty will be that of Apsara.
Wherever you may go, many will attend, serve and protect you, surrounding you on all sides.

This cross tattoo covers the little dragon with the blue tongue she had done in Amsterdam. Next to it is a phrase in Latin:

“Quod me nutrit me destruit”, meaning “What nourishes me, destroys me.”

Angelina Jolie had the cross tattoo done the day before she married Johnny Lee Miller in 1995. In her own words: “It was all symbolic, and it was a good thing, nothing dark.”

This Arabic script tattoo on Angelina Jolie’s right arm means “Determination“. It covers up the abstract lines tattoo she had done together with her ex Billy Bob Thornton.

Several websites say that it means “Strength of Will“, but that is wrong.

This tattoo on her left underarm is the Roman number 13. She had it done because she doesn’t believe in superstitions.

Later she had V MCMXL added to the tattoo. 13 May 1940 is the date when Winston Churchill gave a famous speech, in which he said: “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat”.

This tattoo on Jolie’s left arm are the words of Tennessee Williams:

“A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages.”

Angelina Jolie had this tattoo done in the presence of her mother.

These numbers are the geographical coordinates (longitudes and latitudes) from the locations where her children first entered her life.

  1. N11° 33′ 00″ E104° 51′ 00″ : the place in Cambodia where Angelina Jolie’s eldest son Maddox was born.
  2. N09° 02′ 00″ E038° 45′ 00″ : the place in Ethiopia were her daughter Zahara was born.
  3. S22° 40′ 26″ E014° 31′ 40″ : the place in Namibia (Swakopmund) where Angelina gave birth to her biological daughter with Brad Pitt, Shiloh (Hebrew for “the peaceful one”), was born.
  4. N10° 46′ 00″ E106° 41′ 40″ : the place in Vietnam where Angelina’s son Pax Thien was born.

The coordinates tattoo covers the place where the dragon tattoo and name of her ex husband Billy Bob used to be before they got lasered off. You can still see the dragon a bit.

This 12-inch long, 8-inch wide Bengal tiger tattoo on her lower back is Angelina Jolie’s latest. It was done in Bangkok on July 8, 2004, during a 2 hour session by tattoo artist Sompong Kanhphai who also blessed it by chanting an ancient hymn. Sompong also did her Khmer tattoo. She had the tiger tattoo done to celebrate her Cambodian citizenship.

The tiger tattoo was done in the traditional Thai tattoo style with a manual needle. The tiger’s tail covers her blue window tattoo.

Angelina wants to have yet another tattoo done in Thailand.

cited from http://hubpages.com/hub/david-beckhams-tattoos

David Beckham’s Back & Torso Tattoos

Beckham has had several pieces of ink added to his back over the years. They include:

Brooklyn – the name of his first-born son runs across his lower back.

Romeo – the name of his second son sits just below the base of his neck.

Cruz – the name of his third son is placed just below the winged figure.

Guardian Angel – this is how Beckham has described the figure with arms outstretched that sits between his shoulder blades. This tattoo was later expanded to include larger wings.

Winged Cross – Beckham was in the midst of the 2004 World Cup when he had his UK tattooist, Louis Malloy, flown in to do this piece on the back of his neck. The British fans’ reactions were a bit mixed, with some saying this tattoo and his shaved head made Beckham look like a hooligan.

Chinese Characters – this one is the very latest tattoo (revealed March ’08), coming close on the heels of the full left forearm he had done in early 2008. Sources say the tattoo seen running down the left side of his torso on his ribs is Mandarin Chinese and reads ‘Death and life have determined appointments, Riches and honors depends upon heaven.’ The work was done in Hong Kong as the LA Galaxy did some pre-season appearances.

restoring

There has been too much this past year. I wanna quit. I feel weak. Every time encounter with huge pressure from study, I just can’t bear the burden. I wanna flee. I never ever feel belonging in the world. I feel like I never belong to this world. I wanna leave. The calling of death I never seemingly get rid of. The carving for death seems rooted in my soul. The reason why I live is just for my family. I owe them too much. I myself still can smell the lure of death.  I strongly wish I could sleep till I will never wake up.

I always feel there seems a beast in my body. I can keep it in the cage for a while, but regularly, it roars to me to set it free. The intense I need to release.

For several days, I refused to come to God, talk and listen to Him. I just wanna leave, leave this world forever, thinking nothing.  I know I cannot get rid of His authority and love. When I again opened the Bible, He spoke to me He knows I am in a foreign land being a stranger, He showed me His mighty love and promise. And command me to keep close to those women, his servants until they have finished all His harvest (Ruth 2: 21-23). He commands me love the strangers for I know the heart of strangers, for I am a stranger in this land.

I tried to wrestle with God, but I know from Moses to Jonah, no one could defeat God’s will.

But God loves me so. These days, in the morning, I read Bible and prayed. While have breakfast, I read testimonies of many life-changed Christians. God’s presence make me knee down to pray to Him. He told me: “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you refused and said: ‘no! we will flee upon horses’—therefore you shall flee! And, we will ride upon swift steeds—therefore your pursuers shall be swift!” (Isaiah30:15-16).

I know “where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast.”(PSALMS 138: 7-10)

pray that I confess my sin, no longer dwell in the bitterness, hatred and fear. Let God dominate my life. Pray that God will take control my life and cleanse my heart and soul. Let no room for evil and selfishness. I do wanna get rid of this circle being desperate. I wanna get rid of the voice of death.  I wanna end this torment.

I don’t know. I am in chaos. I need Him.

I just came back from KLMS. It was awesome. God was speaking to me through the class. I know my problem is not receiving His love constantly while I give out then I will feel burn out. I have tried to balance love and selfishness, but don’t know what I need to balance is giving love and receiving love. Well, I still need to deal with the fear and bitterness. The calling from God for me sometimes terrifies me. I pray that I will get rid of lasting struggle in my life. I am weary of being in the circle of darkness.

stressed out

Having been isolated for a long weekend, I still am under a great pressure of final project. I want it done prefectly. but I just dreadly fear the huge amont of reading and writing. I have no idea where I coulld start. Writing a paper has been always my innate nightmare. I flee, flee to movies, TV shows. but eventually, I have to face it. I have to accomplish it.

Just leave me alone. I can hardly breathe.

Just leave me alone. I can hardly break through a way.

Just leave me alone, life or death is an unanswered question.