For You

她离开了,也许现在已经落地,回家,和家人相聚。

她离开了,也许分别将会是很久,我们都不知道下次见面将会是何时。

她离开了,我还是很怕说再见,不敢直视那不舍的眼神。

她离开了,我依旧用沉默和笑声暂时远离分别的忧愁。

你知道,你很优秀,很聪明,更是善良;

你知道,你被祝福,被记念;

你知道,天父和你的弟兄姐妹都爱你,祝福你!

你知道,你虽走在不可知的未来,然而,你是光明之子,他无时无刻不祝福、关爱你。

我感恩,珍贵的友谊;

我感恩,美丽的生命;

我感恩,单纯的心灵;

我感恩,无私的陪伴。

我还是坚持不要说再见,

因为我们还会相见,

身体的隔离不是距离,

天父的爱将我们无论在哪里都紧紧相连。

My dearest
friend,  bless you!

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你不是真正的快乐(五月天)

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色,

你再也不会梦,或痛、或心动了,

你已经决定了,你已经决定了。

你静静忍着,紧紧把昨天在拳心握着,

而回忆越是甜,就是越伤人,

越是在手心留下,密密麻麻、深深浅浅的刀割。

你不是真正的快乐,你的笑只是你穿的保护色,

你决定不恨了,也决定不爱了,

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳。

这世界笑了,于是你合群的一起笑了,

当生存是规则,不是你的选择,

于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡、跌跌撞撞的走着。

你不是真正的快乐,你的笑只是你穿的保护色,

你决定不恨了,也决定不爱了,

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳。

你不是真正的快乐,你的伤从不肯完全的愈合,

我站在你左侧,却像隔着银河,

难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了,然后才后悔着。

你不是真正的快乐,你的笑只是你穿的保护色,

你决定不恨了,也决定不爱了,

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳。

你不是真正的快乐,你的伤从不肯完全的愈合,

我站在你左侧,却像隔着银河,

难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了。

你值得正的快乐,你应该脱下你穿的保护色,

为什么失去了,还要被惩罚呢?

能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻,重新开始活着。

 

A day at home

大雪下了一天一夜。一早出门,齐膝的积雪把脚下的路实实在在地遮盖了。真是一步一个脚印地走了出去。很冷,尤其是双脚,等我再回家的时候,双脚冻的发痛。这场雪没像去年那样令人兴奋,人们被雪堵在了家里,不过,无论如何,白雪皑皑还是非常美丽。记得有一年在秦岭爬山。冬天,山上是齐腰的积雪,前面的哥们儿用铲子开道,大家你来一把,我扶一把,当时都觉得自己没法活着下山了,现在回想,那时光多么快乐。来到温哥华,我和很多人一样,成了“御宅族”,天气不好,交通不便,朋友又都忙碌,散居在四面八方。

言归正传,早晨去带了家教,一个很可爱的小男孩,尽管是中国人,但在国外出生长大,话很多,很开朗,夸人、赞美人也都不吝啬。尽管这份兼职一天也就一个小时,先做吧,总比没事做好。有些时候没有整理房间、洗衣打扫了。整整一天,洗衣、整理、打扫、做饭,期间还看了两部电影,讲家庭、婚姻、爱情。有时候,真不明白,为什么世界上有这么多破碎的家庭,不过,我也知道世界上还是有很多幸福的家庭。

什么是爱呢?如果爱只是感觉,那么爱变的多么廉价,感觉会改变,感觉会欺骗,感觉转瞬即逝;如果爱只是欲望的借口,那么爱变的多么低俗,诱惑与暂时的满足,填补空虚的工具;如果爱只是你情我愿,那么爱变的随随便便,没有责任,没有盼望,没有淬炼,没有安全感。

那么爱是什么呢?

I was snowed in for two days. Heavy snow covered the
whole land. It hasn’t made me excited; instead, I have to endure the insane weather
chilling my bones. For a couple of weeks, I haven’t done laundry and cleaning,
so it is time to get them done. For a whole day I cleaned my extremely messy
room and did all the laundry, also, I watched two movies in the meantime; because
I hardly can concentrate on one thing. Two movies both talked about family,
marriage, and love. I have no idea, sometimes, why there are so many broken
families in this world. Yes, I also know there are a few happy families living happily
ever after.

So, what exactly is love? If love is just a feeling,
then it will become such a cheap bargain; feeling can be changeable; feeing can
be deceitful; feeling can fade away quickly. If love is the excuse of desire
and lust, then it will be so vulgar; temptation and self-gratification fulfill
the temporary need of lust. If love is personal, then it will be whatever—no responsibility,
no hope, no refining, and no security.

Then, what is love? Love is a motive—a motive to take care of one
another, a motive to sacrifice own interests to think ahead of one another’s
best, a  motive to conquer selfishness
rather than taking advantage of others, a motive to bring peace, harmony, joy and
life. Love is meant to be significant and security.

Pondering

        一年又要过去了。去年在Carole家的第一个圣诞节还历历在目,今年我和朋友就自己host了X’mas
dinner。无业游民最近还挺繁忙,朋友的电影刚刚拍完,紧接着就是大大小小的聚会、party。有几个面试还算顺利,只是还在焦急等待好消息。目前的状况如下:生命当中出现的人越来越多,有时,我总遗憾自己没有更多时间,没有更多精力,没有更多爱去拥抱这些生命;我越来越渴望聆听,安静地倾听他人的故事,而不是滔滔不绝,忙忙碌碌;上帝似乎把我从未有过的那种恬静放在我心中,我不知道这是否是好事,可当我用心去听、从双眼看到灵魂时,所体味到的常常令我惊异与惊喜。

There seems something I have barely had before, now God has
put it in my heart—the silence, the stillness, the discernment which transformed
me into more mature. I love to see people who are old friends and new faces
getting together; I love to see people doing life together; I love to see people
sharing jokes, interests and stories. I love to be a bridge builder to connect the
various.

There is a vacuum in our life, each of us. Only God is able to  fill
it. Jesus was born for us and died for us. I cannot think even a single example
to measure this unconditional love. I am waiting, yet He continuously brings
joy and excitement in my life. I am waiting, yet His steadfast love and faithfulness
strengthen me toward the Promise Land. It is hard. I was so terrified to think
of me alone going through the hardship. However, when I heard my pastor said
the exact the same thing, we all are going through the challenges. God is
sharpening us, molding us and moving us toward His kingdom.

I need more, need more from Jesus so that I can love.

I need more, need more from Jesus so that I can receive love.

We need more, need more from Jesus so that the world can see "God is love"!

We need more, need more from Jesus so that His kingdom will be on earth as it is in heaven.

farewell

Sitting around the table, it’s pretty much Chinese style, we had graduation/closing ceremony this noon. I am absolute not a pro goodbyer. Faculties and students were socializing, catching up, and taking pics. I, instead, became strangely quiet. I am always not a person who is good at and fond of saying goodbye. I am afraid of getting too emotional. I am afraid of touching the most sensitive part of my heart. I am, too, afraid of getting into each other too much so as to hard to say goodbye. I enjoyed to see people left best wishes and pic memories; I enjoyed to hear they laugh and talk. But this is still not the scene I am comfortable with.
Anyways, we are all both students and faculties happy that we finally graduate. 18 months left precious memories. Now, we are all heading towards new adventure.

点滴

面试很成功,等消息。。。
 
朋友的电影即将开机,很兴奋。。。
 
偶然和PG 的见面与聊天,重拾了信心。总觉得他德高望重,遥不可及,其实不然。亲切,体贴,他的认可和鼓励让我有了更多的安全感。
 
我知道,这个大家庭是我需要的;PG 细微的关照也令我相信,这个大家庭也需要我。
 
还有Andy, 这个细腻的伪美国人,真亚洲人。他竟然如此轻易的触到我内心深处,又常常伴随着令我能够开怀大笑的可爱与幽默。
 
还有Quincy,一股奇妙的力量将我们两人拉近,很近。她的智慧和理解令我诧异、感动。每每倾听她娓娓道来时,每每看着她那柔和、充满温馨的双眼,我情不自禁的感恩与赞美。
 
还有,天气出奇的冷,冷的出奇!盼望能够存活,好好的活。

don’t you know?!

It’s been so
strange. I got emotional every Sunday. After church, after having dinner with
dear friends, I went home chillin’ alone. There seemed something inside me
stirring slowly yet strong. I am afraid to call dad. I don’t know why.  I fear to hear his voice, the voice that I perceived
as whining and mistrust. I hated to admit yet it haunted in my mind. How could I
perform? How could I earn love? How could I please them? Now, it is no doubt a
period vacuum I am living. But don’t you know how much pressure I am
having? Don’t you know how much weight I am carrying? Don’t you know how badly I
wanna be independent? Don’t you know how eager I wanna pay the debt?

I long for free.
I long for a moment of rest. But I am not a deserter
. I
will never flee from responsibility. I am tired of living in lies and mistrust.
Don’t you know how much I can be lifted up by one word of encouraging and
whole-hearted trust?