Where I am now

Finished reading “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Lucky”, I am off the book “The Notebook”. I don’t think I can continue. The more I read, the more I felt lonely and desperate for a man. If I am in the state of insanity, I can get one or even more than one easily. I was reckless. But now, I changed. I can’t go to that place anymore. So even to swallow the loneliness, I can’t go there. Still I wonder.

Anything related to medical agitates me. I walked in a clinic. The attitude they gave you and the lightness they treat you, all of these made me wanna dash out of the door. I was out, without getting any positive information about my condition. With tears welling up, I felt so vulnerable at that moment. Considering my poor health, and the pathetic loneliness, and I have to put up with the giving-you-no-shit attitude. I hate being that place.

I still cry a lot. I am still alone. I can’t open up to anyone my most vulnerability. It becomes a seal on me.

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I have to stop this frantic obsession. Can’t go there again!

Day 2 of 365 days of love

A girl who just landed two days ago from Xi’an came to my place today. We talked, and I got to know her better. With the leading of Holy Spirit, I shared the gospel with her. She is searching. I see God has put the seed in her heart. It was not easy for me to communicate with her, after all we are 7 years apart. She is so young. I took her to metrotown and downtown. She was still fighting against jet lag. We chilled in Starbucks for over 2 hours. She is sweet, I kept discerning how I can love her better, serve her better, until some guy started hitting on us. What a place? Downtown Starbucks, two guys in a row hitting on me. Leave that behind, a day of short trip gave her glimpse of Vancouver. We went to church in the evening. She is now definitely a person on my prayer list. May God breed the seed in her heart. She is very sentient. May God’s presence cover her that she can tangible experience His presence.

365 days of love blog, Day 1

2010, inspired and ignited by the “Radical” and Jaeson Ma. It is time to get serious. It is time to get on the road. So, here I am, with the discipline, to jot down the Radical experiment in 2011.

The first day of prayer, Operation World. The first glimpse of the world spiritual climate. I open my heart to let God work in it. It’s been years since I came to Canada, God never stops to urging me how vital the prayer is. I can’t waste my life any more. There is little time left to squander. I am determined to battle against my life-long enemy–procrastination–this year.

Day 1 of 365 days of love

I went to have dinner with a brother, which usually I wouldn’t do. I know I close my life for too long. Unless we get close with each other, we are not able to defeat the giant in front of us. He has such a heart for God and His commission. He is one of the few people I can share openly with my unmaturel thoughts. What I am grateful is I am actually not alone until I am willing to open my life to others. So, out of the love of brother and sister-hood, we shared our concerns and discernment. This year, we gotta put our feet on the ground, faithfully being a people of faithfulness.

I also replied email to friends, and show the affection to brothers and sisters, which I barely did before. (improvement ;D)

Loving people is as simple as a small gesture.