Blessings

    一个在温哥华的圣诞节,一个和上帝亲密接触的圣诞节,一个倍受祝福和成为祝福的圣诞节。

 

Dec 22, Sat

Glen & Carole 家享受了丰盛的圣诞大餐,虽然拥挤,可是我们拥有世界。加拿大,中国,缅甸,也门,印尼,印度,…… 美好的时光不仅仅是在餐桌两旁的对话与笑声,圣诞的意义也不仅仅是礼物与美食。Glen & Carole 为我们准备了更丰盛的、来自上帝的礼物――耶稣的救恩。我们安静聆听,我们庆贺救世主的降临。上帝的祝福白白地赐给每一个人,他同样使我们也成为祝福。

手捧点燃的蜡烛,在夜色中我们用光点亮每户人家的门口,我们用歌声带给每户人家祝福。上帝的爱在我们中间流淌,浇灌在每个人的身上。

 

“神就是光,在他毫无黑暗。(约翰一书15)”

“God is light and in him there is no darkness at all. (1 JOHN 1:5)”

 

并且他叫我们做这世界的光。

我心中充满感恩,看到朋友们在欢笑与歌声中祝福他人并且受到祝福。

我心中充满感恩,Glen & Carole 为我们预备了如此的机会,令我们享受在爱中。

我心中充满感恩,因为上帝的恩典如此丰盛。

 

Jasmine 很安静,她是新的朋友,我们两人深陷在柔软的沙发里,轻松的聊天。我们聊到信仰,这是她第一次听到耶稣的故事。那么自然,自然的令我有些吃惊,我向她分享了福音,用英语,哈,而且她也都听懂了!忘记有多久没有分享,我怀念那心与心的对话,我怀念那将祝福带给他人的喜乐。更令我快乐的是我可以用英语与他人分享,没有紧张,没有短路。我想起就在之前的几天,上帝对我说:“不要预先思虑说什么,因为说话的不是你们,乃是圣灵。(马可福音 1411)”……do not worry beforehand about what you are to say; but say whatever is given you at that time, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit. (MARK 14: 11)”

 

Dec 24, Mon

平安夜。我没有出外,想一个人安静,安静的与上帝度过平安之夜。

点亮窗口的霓虹,点亮庆贺的蜡烛,赞美的歌声环绕。我祷告,其实是向天父倾诉。我太久没有与他这样亲近了,我饥渴的心与灵如此渴慕他,我已经被谎言折磨殆尽,我只想聆听天父的真理。

“勇敢地爱,如同耶稣爱你一般。”

“不要总是太忙碌,喜宴过后需要安静,只有亲近天父才能令你真喜乐和真平安。”

“坚强,有我你可以做到坚强、得胜,征战虽是一生,但苦楚乃是暂时。”

“我爱你,永远不会离开你!”

 

Dec 26, Wed

临晨3点才到家,25日,大雪,火锅,游戏,我玩的天昏地暗。

我们都在家休息,Tracy 很快就要搬走了,可我们的关系在上帝祝福里愈加亲密。敞开的倾诉和聆听,让我看到她的生命如此被祝福,让我看到她的心如此单纯、热情和渴慕真理,同样,这样的她令我也愿意敞开心灵。

难得我们两人都在家无事,是时候一起学习圣经了。我似乎又重新回到那样的角色:带领门徒,可是又和在国内不同,如今没有了急躁,没有了完成任务的不安与骄傲,有了更多真正的关心与爱心。

 

Dec 27, Thu

购物与肥皂剧的兴奋过后,时间已走过零点。等等,我的心仍旧被圣灵催促。圣诞那天,Mendy Mr. Wu 又吵架了,家中被低沉的气氛弥漫。看到这些,我伤心极了。其实我早已不仅仅是一个住客,我知道上帝带我来到这个家庭,令我们都成为他肢体的一部分。他们的风吹草动牵动着我的心,因为我知道那样的悲剧在家庭当中是多么大的伤害,对孩子,对每一个人。我感谢Mendy 与我敞开的分享,我感谢上帝如此的奇妙,让我的经历与生命可以成为他人的祝福。

我将Shirly 叫到房中,她15岁,家中唯一的女儿,令我不禁想起八年前的我和我的家庭。她只懂英语和粤语。我靠着圣灵的带领,用英语与她分享我的生命和上帝的教导。她瘦小的身体在我的怀中颤抖,眼泪浸湿了我的衣衫。我告诉她,我无法无动于衷,我无法看着同样的悲剧发生在又一个家庭,上帝让我起来,上帝让我讲出,勇敢地分享与爱。我告诉她,我们可以看到希望,因为上帝已经在这个家庭做主,她的父亲一定会回心转意,她的家庭一定会成为合一。上帝的爱一定会将家庭紧紧联接。

     天父,我感谢你,感谢你,当我愿意回归,愿意寻求你时,你就让我寻见,并且如此的祝福我。天父,我感谢你,感谢你叫万事互相效力,感谢你的恩典如此丰盛,感谢你让我知道,我虽微不足道,但靠着那加给我的力量,我能够,能够站立,能够得胜,能够勇敢,能够去爱。

It’s temporary.

I live in deep and dark ocean, doing nothing except waste of my life.

I live in the light, doing things that accomplish the will of God, at the surface of ocean.

Storm, iceberg and so forth visit me unexpectedly.

“Father, when will those end?”

“Child, it’s temporary.”

“Mortals cannot abide in their pomp,

They are like the animals that perish. (Psalms 49:20)”

Ransom, God is the eternal fountain of life.

My English name—Josephine

应当一无挂虑,只要凡事藉着祷告、祈求和感谢,将你们所要的告诉神。神所赐出人意外的平安,必在基督耶稣里保守你们的心怀意念。   (腓立比书467

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7)

 

支取这段经文的应许,我祷告给神,出国留学,需要一个英文名字。因为有他的应许,我不必凭着自己的兴趣和心情来挑选名字,因为我常常变化。我很认真的问上帝,他的女儿希望得到父亲的指教。

出国前的很长一段时间,许多事情一股脑的涌向我。申请留学,家庭,关系,还有很多很多我好想逃避却又不得不面对的事务。眼泪似乎从未停止过,但行在死阴幽谷,上帝依旧与我同在,有他的扶持我才能走到今天。

大学毕业,面临又一次人生重要的转折,当留学梦想如此之近时,那一道道困难如大山般阻隔在我面前时,我想退却,我惧怕了。

那时我在看旧约圣经创世纪,当我又一次看到约瑟的故事,读到雅各为约瑟祝福,我的心被上帝清晰的触摸。如同我在读上帝给我书信,给我的预言。

约瑟生在看似幸福的家庭,倍受宠爱,却惨遭同胞的出卖,在异国成为奴隶,失却了一切荣华与骄傲。

约瑟在异国受到频频试探,然而他将上帝放在生命的首位,逃避试探,没有犯罪。

约瑟最终因为上帝的同在与祝福,在异国被高举,成为繁盛,并成为他家人的祝福。

经文中不止一次的出现“耶和华与他同在,耶和华使他所作的尽都顺利”。

我的出国,不是带着骄傲,不是系着万贯,所有的眼泪与心碎成为我留学的脚注。而我的生命又如此相似的有着与约瑟一般的试探。我离开了生长20年的家乡,离开了我始终放不下的家人,无依无靠,我唯一拥有的只有上帝,只有他。

 

约瑟是多结果子的树枝,是泉旁多结果的枝子,他的枝条探出墙外。弓箭手将他苦害,向他射箭,逼迫他,但他的弓仍旧坚硬,他的手健壮敏捷,这是因为以色列的牧者,以色列的磐石,就是雅各的大能者。 (创世纪492224

Joseph is a fruitful bough, a fruitful bough by a spring; his branches run over the wall. The archers fiercely attacked him; they shot at him and pressed him hard. Yet his bow remained taut, and his arms were made agile by the hands of the Mighty One of Jacob, by the name of the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel.  (GENESIS 492224)

 

我心里给出的确信与平安让我得到答案,Joseph。于是我相信,我就是Josephine。神是信实的,他知晓一切,甚至我最深的意念,我求问,因他的应许从未落空。

 

 

My name is Josephine. This English name is given by my Heavenly Father.

 

“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7)”

 

Because of this promise from God, I asked Him for an English name. I didn’t feel like choosing one on my own according to my preference which always changes. I was died to old self, and I  was raised up with Christ. I need a new identity given by Father.

 

I was crushed by multitude issues while preparing for overseas study. Applying school and visa, family, relationship, and so many things that I feared to encounter with came to me. My tears never stopped. However, though I was walking in the darkest valley, God is always with me and His rod and staff comforted me.

 

Graduation was coming, I have to confront a life milestone. When the dream of studying abroad was coming true, there were thousands of difficulties and troubles like giant mountains blocking my way. I feared. I flinched.

 

At that time, I read the Bible the Old Testament Genesis, the story of Joseph, the blessings given to Joseph. My heart was touched truly by God as if I was reading the letter from Him, the prophecy about me.

 

Joseph was born in a so-called happy family. It all seemed so well being loved most by his father. However, he was sold to Egypt by his jealous and blood brothers, being a slave, who lost pride and honor.  

 

Joseph was tempted continuously but never sinned against God, for he put the Lord in the first place of his life. So “the Lord was with him and the Lord caused all that he did to prosper in his hands” (Genesis 39:2, 23).

 

I came to Canada without pride, without prosper. Similarly, I am having this temptation as Joseph had. I left the place where I have lived for over 20 years. I left the family that I hardly set my heart at rest all along. I came here without anything but God.

 

“Joseph is a fruitful bough, a fruitful bough by a spring; his branches run over the wall. The archers fiercely attacked him; they shot at him and pressed him hard. Yet his bow remained taut, and his arms were made agile by the hands of the Mighty One of Jacob, by the name of the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel.  (GENESIS 492224)”

 

The confirmation and peace from God made me be sure about the answer: Joseph. Therefore, I believe I am Josephine. God is faithful. He knows everything even the deepest of my thoughts. I ask, He answers. For his promise never fails.

 

Holiday season

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Time flies!

It’s been a year!

The Christmas party

occurred last year is still in my mind!

I met a guy.

I was too rash.

God held me back
making mistake.

 

Life is short!

In this holiday season,

I pray that

God’s presence fills with this Christmas season.

I pray that

God’s love touch the heart of everyone every nation.

I can see

all the people from all the nation,

even the end of world,

different tongues, different language, different color,

sing praise to God

bow down to God’s love and authority.


Praise Lord, Almighty God!!!

I miss you

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I miss you.                                                                                                        

Getting lost for a long time.

I miss you.

Missing the days with you alone.

Missing the time we have a talk heart to heart

Missing the super peace and joy that come with you

I miss you.

I am willing to turn to you.

To you: my Lord, my Savior, my God.

God is LOVE

How can I love people without you?

I am nothing without you!

I turn back to you.

You bring peace, joy and hope.

Thank you for longing for loving me,

And I am longing for you,

Seeking your love and truth.

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每一个细胞都浸泡在透彻的音符中,

我被音乐托起,飞翔,

无垠的苍穹,

繁星触手可及。

张开双臂,

我触到一颗,

冰凉,清透。

香醇的红酒,

醉人的音乐,

闪动的霓虹,

大气磅礴,

深邃隽永,

我如何不沉醉?

我如何不迷离?

音乐的奇妙,

如此这般,

将我从一辆轿车中,

带到天空,

带到大海,

带到自由的陶醉。

我愿张开双臂,

颂赞造物主的奇妙,

我愿高声歌唱,

众星群山都拜倒在万王之王、万主之主脚下。

Prayer

   主啊!我愿完全信靠你,我愿完全属于你,我愿高举你在一切之上。我要在圣灵里过丰盛的生活,是我的一切思想,如馨香的香气,直升到你面前,我生活中的每一个动作,都成为事奉你的动作。—–陶恕

   神啊!你是满有怜悯的主,我将自己交托给你,因为我的存活与知识都在于你,你是我生命路程的目标,路途中的憩息。在繁杂的世事里,荣我的心灵得着避难所,在波涛汹涌的海洋,我的心在你里面寻的平安。—–奥古斯丁

神啊!求你是我里面每一分力量立刻活过来,是我能抓住一切永恒的东西。求你明亮我心中的眼目,是我看得清楚;给我敏锐的属灵洞察力,使我能尝到你恩典的滋味,并且知道他是美善;求你使天上的一切对于我,比地上的一切更真实。阿门。——陶恕

万福之主,你以宝血洗净我们众罪孽,愿你已圣洁浇灌你的子民,使这些因无知而灭亡的人,也能得吃吗哪,也得着生命之光! —–戴德生

平安的神,求你以平安系住我们的心,是我们彼此在温和与谦卑中相处。忍耐的神,求你赐我们忍耐的心,在经历试炼的时候,仍能坚持到底。祈祷的灵,求你在我们心中提醒,好使我们举起圣洁的手,在忧患中向你祈求。—-区伯纳

主我的神,我现在才知道你的话语有生命、有能力,又能使接受的人生出信心和顺服的能力。神啊,帮助我把你每句话都藏在心里,像种子在好土里一样,并且相信他必会在我心里成为你喜悦的工作。阿门。—-慕安德烈

主啊,是我作你和平之子,在憎恨处播下你的爱,在伤痕处播下你的宽恕,在怀疑处之处播下信心,在绝望之处播下你的盼望,在幽暗之处播下你的光明,在忧愁之处播下你的欢愉。—–圣法兰西斯

求你悦纳我卑微的心,但愿它向一切关闭,只向你敞开;求你在我胸堂上髁上印记,让我永远佩戴着你爱的襟章。—–宣信

我的主啊,求让我在这些真真假假中肯定你的存在,在这些虚虚幻幻中认识你的永恒,在这些是是非非中追求你的的道路,在这些起起落落中抓住你的应许。奥,主,请为我安插一个角色,在你永不落幕的戏中;号角我的一生,不在你眼前化做一场空。—–杏林子

主,教导我,教导我别做一个自私的人。别让我把欢笑隐藏在心里,别让我把歌声吞咽在喉中,别让我的双手只为自己祷告。在我面对一张愁苦的脸、一对祈援的眼时,主啊!别让我视若无睹转身不顾。——-杏林子

主啊,我们的神,求你让我们在寻求你的旨意中方下自己,在你为我们计划的生活中重拾自己,假若你是我们发光——假若你的荣耀是我们闪耀——奥,主啊,让我们是最后一个知道你的人。阿门——藩科宁

主啊,经过危险、黑暗、白昼、黑夜,你总是不断地引领我,而且引导的毫无错误,我总是信靠你,在你里面平安地躺卧,把我的手,放在你的手中,奔跑那未完的路。——蔡蘇娟

主啊,假使我有千榜金银中国可以全数支取,假使我有千条性命绝不留下一条不给中国。——戴德生

主啊,我们若不能挑战别人向最高的目标前进我还丝毫不懂得加略山的爱。——贾爱美

主啊!给我一百位除罪以外别无所惧,除神以外别无所慕的传道人,不管他们是正式的传道人或是其他的基督徒——他们将震动地狱之门,在地上建立天国。神所作的一切,都是有关祈祷的应允,除此以外别无作为。——约翰卫斯理

主爱!我若不能将天国的信息带到地上,就不能把地上的人带到天国,求圣灵充满我,透过我把天国的信息带到地上一切有需要的人,好让他们得知如何进入天国。——无名人士

主啊,求你不要让我成为路标,而是岔路口,让一切经过我的人都知道面对你必须做出一个选择,因为只有你是道路、真理,生命。阿门! ——无名人士

 

Grant,O Lord,that what we have said with our lips,we ma y believe in our hearts and practise in our livesand of thy mercy keep us faithful to th endfor christ’s sake. Amen ——A prayer of John Hunler

Grant, O Lord,that we ma y live in thy fear, die in thy favour,rest in thy peace, rise in thy power, reign in thy glory;for the sake of thy Son,Christ’s sake.Amen. ——A prayer of Archbishop la ud

Christ be with me, Christ within me,Christ before me ,Christ beside me.Christ to win me,Christ to comfort and restore me,Christ beneath me ,Christ in danger,Christ in hearts of all that love me,Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.The Blessing,the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with us all. Amen . ——St.patrick’s prayer

O Thoufrom whom to be turned is to fall,to whom to be turned is to rise,a nd in whom to stand is to abide for ever;Grant us in all our duties thy help;in all our perplexities thy guida nce;in all oour dangers thy protection;a nd in all our sorrows thy peace;through Jesus Christ our Lord.Amen ——A prayer of St.Augustine

O Lord ,make the way plain before me.Let thy glory be my end,thy word my rule;a nd then, thy will be done.Amen. ——King Charles the First’s prayer

Give us the strength lightly to bear our joys and sorrows.Give usthe strength to make our love fruitful in service.Give us the strength never to disown the poor,or bend our knees before insolent might.Give us the strength to raise our minds high above daily trifles.And give us the strength to surrender our strength to thy will with love.Amen.——A prayer of Rabindranath Tagore

Guide us ,teach us ,and strengthen us ,O Lord,we beseech thee, until we become such useful;fthy honour and glory.Amen. ——A prayer of Charles kingsley

Our Father,teach us not only to do thy will,but how to do it,Teach us the best way of doing the best thing,lest we spoil the end by unworthy mea ns;for the sake of Christ Jesus our Lord. ——A prayer of J.H.Jowett

O Lord ,Jesus Christ, who art the Way,the Truth,and the life ,we pray thee suffer us not to stray from thee, who art the way, nor to distrust thee,who art the truth, nor to rest in any other thing than thee,woho art the Life,Teach us by thy Holy Spirit, what to be lieve,what to do ,and where in to take our rest.Amen ——Erasmus’pra yer

O Holy Spirit ,Give of light and life,Impart to us thoughts higher than our own thoughts,a nd prayers better than our own prayers,a nd powers beyond our own powers,that we ma y spend and be spent ,in the ways of love and goodness, after the perfect ima ge, of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen. ——A prayer of G.W.Briggs

Set a watch upon our tongue, O Lord ,that we ma y never speak the cruel word which is untrue;or ,being true,is not the whole truth;or ,being wholly true,is merciless;for the love of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen ——A prayer for Tongue

 

Stand in Grace

Yes, I no longer live in lies. I am now living in faith, I am now living in truth. I am now living in hope.

我不必再活在谎言中,不必!我被上帝的同在光照。

 

I was washed, I was sanctified, I was justified.God has given me a spirit of power and love and self-discipline not cowardice. (2 TIMOTHY 1:7)

是的,我已经被洗净,被分别。上帝已经给我不是怯懦的灵,而是刚强、仁爱、谨守的心。(提摩太后书1:7)

 

耶和华说:我知道我向你们所怀的意念,是赐平安的意念,不是降灾祸的意念,要叫你们末后有指望。(耶利米书2911

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. (JEREMIAH 29:11)

 

这称为我名下的子民,若是自卑、祷告,寻求我的面,转离他们的恶行,我必从天上垂听,赦免他们的罪,医治他们的地。(列王记下7:14)

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 CHRONICLES 7:14)

 

 

人非有信,就不能得神的喜悦,因为到神面前来的人,必须信有神,且信他赏赐那寻求他的人。(希伯来书 116)

And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. (HEBREWS 11:6)

 

 

episode

写论文写的要抓狂了,给自己来点儿小小的调剂,不小心在网上看了《东宫西宫》,同志电影,很多年前的,张元导演,胡军主演。电影很是搞笑,不知那是哪个年代,警察还出动到小公园抓同志。胡军演一警察,很man, 虽然表演比起之后的《蓝宇》生涩一些,但依旧到位,看的我直发笑。 :)

另一主演同志,长的实在对不起观众,完全颠覆男同志帅气的口碑。

总觉得他演的有些神经,至少我接触过的同志都很正常,全不像他演的那个样儿,性别错位,女气,受虐狂,甚至有些变态,抓住个帅哥就上。

电影在当时来说属于实验性吧,那个年代,谈论同志可是需要巨大勇气。挺佩服张元和那一斑演员,电影禁播至今,可在地下依旧属于经典。

《东宫西宫》是实验的先驱,在大陆来说。还是喜欢《蓝宇》的唯美,胡军和刘烨更像一对。《春光乍泄》是浓墨重彩,《霸王别姬》是风华绝貌。

总之,论文还是要写的,作业还是要交的。窗外大雪纷飞,房间外,Mendy, Tracy, Shirly, 三个女人泡在肥皂剧中,我还得在论文里摸索前进,曙光就在前方。Avril 的演唱会,roomate 有惊人的毅力,排队竟搞到两张免费的门票。Christmas, 过节的气氛愈来愈浓重。

我的论文,继续ing~~~

snowing~~

拉开百叶窗,
窗外一片银妆素裹,
不知不觉,
冬天悄然而至,
假期已经开始,
掀开日历新的一页,
2007年12月,
一年的时间在转瞬中度过。
夏天来到温哥华似乎就发生在昨日。
如今,雪花飘零,
天空中飞过乌鸦,
黑色在空气中舞动。
多么渴望飞翔,
在那天地之间,
在那白雪纷飞之处。